Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Day 2 - The Gift of Self Awareness

Totally intense Cleansing task today! Questions to answer like: What do I wish I had never done? What do I wish I could forget?

I love how Debbie sets you up for this task, though - be a neutral observer, gather the information as if you were watching someone in Walmart. I've done so much of this self analysis stuff that I was surprised some of my issues were still in my closet. I know I kicked them out years ago! How did they sneak back in?! So, I dragged them out into the light.

A few questions Debbie asked really put things into perspective for me:
1. What behaviors have I participated in that have intentionally or unintentionally brought harm to others?
- ignoring my needs, doing things for others when I should be doing things for myself, submitting to guilt, resenting, blaming, criticizing, playing god, doubting myself, lying about how I feel, exaggerating, complaining

The weird thing about most of these behaviors is that at the time I did them thinking I was doing someone else a favor.

The answers that came from this question really surprised me:
2. How do I punish myself for these things:
- eat, beat myself mentally, procrastinate, listen to my ego, get physically ill, scratch, berate and feel guilty, don't exercise, cut myself off from my sexuality, poor sleep, disappoint others and intern myself.

The surprises were - scratch (never even realized this until today!), cut myself off from my sexuality, disappoint others (I let them down so this will make me feel worse!)

Day 2's ritual ended so beautifully with the question - What would be available to me if I let go of all these behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and experiences?

Just bringing these things into the light of awareness I realized how ridiculous they are! Why would I choose to carry them around? No, thanks.

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